I'm Tired

Reading and writing is a big part of my life. It’s one of the reasons why I made this blog in the first place. I still love it so much and want it to be my future path, but do y’all just hate what you do sometimes? Does anyone else just feel so tired and have no motivation to really do nothing else other than doom scroll? My brain is screaming at me to continue to do my work for school, read all the books on my physicial TBR, travel to all these places and honestly never rest.

God is really showing me I don’t know how to rest. I don’t know how to fully love myself the way I’m suppose to. I don’t understand why my heart is so heavy, why it’s so hard to do something that I know is going to give me a good life. School is something I’ve come to struggle with. I love my friends I’ve made, I have amazing professers and I’m so grateful God has placed me here, I just feel stuck. Even writing this, I had to force myself.

I. am. so. tired.

Truly sometimes I wish I could do nothing. I wish I could just sit and watch tv, fall asleep, and repeat the day. Most days in these last three months I’ve barely been able to keep my eyes open no matter how much sleep I get and most of the time my body won't let me sleep. I want to live my life to the fullest. I want to take the steps forward, I need to for breakthrough, but I’m just in a season struggling to understand what I need to do.

This is my prayer:

God, please help me see. Even through the chaos of my mind give me strength and be my motivation. Be the one I seek for true rest rather than the things of this world. I’m so tired of being tired. I’m so sick of feeling like I’m not able to do something. I need you. I need your love to get me through it. Change my heart in ways I could never imagine. Take my irritability, take my shame, take my anger, take my lust, take my body dysmorphia, take away every negative thing not of you rooted in my heart. Allow me to flourish in this new season. God, please help me see me the way you created me.